How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk 2012

by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

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Summary:

  • Book 3 of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is all about helping children to handle their feelings. The authors explain that it is important to help children to understand and express their feelings in a healthy way. They provide strategies for helping children to identify and express their feelings, as well as how to handle difficult emotions. They also discuss how to help children to develop empathy and understanding for others.

    The authors explain that it is important to help children to understand their feelings and to express them in a healthy way. They provide strategies for helping children to identify and express their feelings, such as using feeling words, talking about feelings, and using stories and role-playing. They also discuss how to help children to handle difficult emotions, such as anger, fear, and sadness. They provide strategies for helping children to manage their emotions, such as using distraction, problem-solving, and calming techniques.

    The authors also discuss how to help children to develop empathy and understanding for others. They explain that it is important to help children to recognize and understand the feelings of others. They provide strategies for helping children to develop empathy, such as listening, understanding, and responding with empathy. They also discuss how to help children to resolve conflicts and to develop positive relationships with others.

    Overall, Book 3 of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk provides strategies for helping children to understand and express their feelings in a healthy way, as well as how to help children to develop empathy and understanding for others. The authors provide practical strategies for helping children to manage their emotions, resolve conflicts, and develop positive relationships with others.


Main ideas:


  • #1.     Set Limits: Parents should set limits for their children in order to help them learn to make responsible decisions. Setting limits should be done in a respectful and loving way, and should be tailored to the individual child.

    Parents should set limits for their children in order to help them learn to make responsible decisions. Setting limits should be done in a respectful and loving way, and should be tailored to the individual child. This means that parents should take into account their childs age, maturity level, and individual needs when setting limits. For example, a limit for a toddler may be to stay away from the stove, while a limit for a teenager may be to not stay out past a certain time.

    When setting limits, it is important to be consistent and clear. Parents should explain why the limit is being set and what the consequences will be if the limit is not followed. This will help children understand why the limit is important and why it needs to be followed. Additionally, it is important to provide positive reinforcement when the limit is followed. This will help children understand that following the limit is the desired behavior.

    Overall, setting limits is an important part of parenting. It helps children learn to make responsible decisions and understand the consequences of their actions. When done in a respectful and loving way, setting limits can help children develop into responsible adults.

  • #2.     Encourage Autonomy: Parents should encourage their children to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their actions. This will help them develop self-confidence and independence.

    Encouraging autonomy in children is an important part of parenting. When parents allow their children to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their actions, they are helping them to develop self-confidence and independence. This is especially important as children grow older and begin to make more complex decisions. Parents should provide guidance and support, but ultimately allow their children to make their own choices. This will help them to learn from their mistakes and become more independent and self-reliant.

    Parents should also provide their children with opportunities to practice making decisions. This could include allowing them to choose what they want to wear, what activities they want to participate in, and what chores they want to do. This will help them to develop problem-solving skills and learn how to make decisions on their own. Parents should also be open to discussing their children’s decisions and helping them to understand the consequences of their choices.

    Encouraging autonomy in children is an important part of parenting. It will help them to become more independent and self-reliant, and will give them the skills they need to make their own decisions in the future. Parents should provide guidance and support, but ultimately allow their children to make their own choices. This will help them to learn from their mistakes and become more confident in their decision-making abilities.

  • #3.     Use Encouragement: Parents should use encouragement rather than criticism when dealing with their children. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Parents should use encouragement rather than criticism when dealing with their children. This means that instead of focusing on the negative aspects of their behavior, parents should focus on the positive. For example, if a child is struggling with a task, rather than telling them they are not doing it correctly, parents should praise them for their effort and encourage them to keep trying. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things. Additionally, it will help them to develop a sense of self-confidence and self-esteem, which will be beneficial in all areas of their life.

    Encouragement should also be used when children are successful. Parents should take the time to recognize and celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help them to feel proud of their achievements and will motivate them to continue striving for success. Furthermore, it will help them to develop a positive attitude towards learning and will encourage them to take on new challenges.

    Using encouragement rather than criticism when dealing with children is an important part of parenting. It will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things. It will also help them to develop a sense of self-confidence and self-esteem, and will motivate them to continue striving for success.

  • #4.     Listen: Parents should listen to their children and take their feelings and opinions seriously. This will help them to feel heard and understood, and will foster a strong relationship between parent and child.

    Listening to children is an important part of parenting. It helps to create a strong bond between parent and child, and it shows that the parent values their childs feelings and opinions. When parents take the time to listen to their children, it helps them to feel heard and understood. This can help to build trust and respect between parent and child, and can help to foster a positive relationship. Listening to children also helps to create an environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves and their feelings. This can help to create a safe and supportive environment for children to grow and develop. Listening to children is an important part of parenting, and it can help to create a strong and positive relationship between parent and child.

  • #5.     Use Empathy: Parents should use empathy when dealing with their children. This will help them to understand their children’s feelings and perspectives, and will help them to respond in a more understanding and supportive way.

    Using empathy when dealing with children is an important tool for parents. Empathy helps parents to understand their children’s feelings and perspectives, and to respond in a more understanding and supportive way. It is important for parents to remember that children are still learning and growing, and that their feelings and reactions are often valid. By taking the time to listen to their children and to try to understand their point of view, parents can create a more positive and supportive environment for their children.

    When parents use empathy, they can help their children to feel heard and understood. This can help to build trust and respect between parents and children, and can help to create a more positive relationship. Parents can also use empathy to help their children to learn how to express their feelings in a healthy way. By listening to their children and validating their feelings, parents can help their children to learn how to express their emotions in a constructive way.

    Using empathy when dealing with children is an important part of parenting. It can help to create a more positive and supportive environment for children, and can help to build trust and respect between parents and children. By taking the time to listen to their children and to try to understand their point of view, parents can help their children to feel heard and understood, and can help them to learn how to express their feelings in a healthy way.

  • #6.     Use Positive Language: Parents should use positive language when talking to their children. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Parents should strive to use positive language when communicating with their children. Positive language helps children to feel valued and appreciated, and encourages them to take risks and explore new opportunities. When parents use positive language, they are showing their children that they believe in them and are willing to support them in their endeavors. This can help to build a strong bond between parent and child, and can help to foster a sense of trust and security. Additionally, positive language can help to create an environment of mutual respect and understanding, which can help to foster healthy communication and relationships.

    Using positive language does not mean that parents should avoid addressing issues or disciplining their children. Rather, it means that parents should strive to use language that is respectful and encouraging. This can help to create an atmosphere of understanding and cooperation, and can help to foster a sense of trust and security. Additionally, positive language can help to create an environment of mutual respect and understanding, which can help to foster healthy communication and relationships.

  • #7.     Use Problem-Solving: Parents should use problem-solving techniques when dealing with their children. This will help them to develop problem-solving skills and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Parents should use problem-solving techniques when dealing with their children. This approach encourages children to take responsibility for their actions and helps them to develop problem-solving skills. Problem-solving involves breaking down a problem into smaller parts and then finding a solution. Parents should start by asking their children to identify the problem and then brainstorm possible solutions. Once a solution has been identified, parents should help their children to come up with a plan of action and then provide support and guidance as they work to implement the plan. This approach will help children to develop the skills they need to solve their own problems in the future.

    In addition to helping children develop problem-solving skills, problem-solving can also help to reduce conflict between parents and children. By working together to identify and solve problems, parents and children can build a stronger relationship and foster a sense of mutual respect. This approach can also help to reduce stress and frustration for both parents and children, as they work together to find solutions.

    Using problem-solving techniques when dealing with children can be a powerful tool for parents. It can help children to develop problem-solving skills, reduce conflict, and build stronger relationships. By taking the time to work through problems together, parents and children can create a more positive and productive environment.

  • #8.     Use Natural Consequences: Parents should use natural consequences when dealing with their children. This will help them to learn from their mistakes and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Natural consequences are a great way for parents to help their children learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. Natural consequences are the logical results of a child’s behavior, and they can be used to teach children important lessons. For example, if a child refuses to do their homework, the natural consequence might be that they receive a lower grade on their assignment. This teaches the child that their actions have consequences, and that they need to take responsibility for their choices.

    Natural consequences can also be used to encourage children to make better decisions in the future. For example, if a child is consistently late for school, the natural consequence might be that they have to stay after school for a few days to make up the time. This teaches the child that their behavior has consequences, and that they need to be more responsible in the future.

    Using natural consequences is an effective way for parents to help their children learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. It is important for parents to be consistent when using natural consequences, and to explain to their children why they are being used. This will help children understand the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and will help them make better decisions in the future.

  • #9.     Use Choices: Parents should give their children choices when possible. This will help them to develop decision-making skills and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Giving children choices is an important part of parenting. It helps them to develop decision-making skills and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions. When parents give their children choices, they are teaching them to think for themselves and to make decisions based on their own values and beliefs. This helps children to become independent and self-reliant.

    When giving children choices, it is important to provide them with options that are realistic and age-appropriate. For example, if a child is deciding what to wear for school, parents can give them two or three options that are appropriate for the weather and the school dress code. This will help the child to make a decision without feeling overwhelmed or restricted.

    Giving children choices also helps them to feel empowered and respected. When children are given the opportunity to make their own decisions, they feel valued and appreciated. This can help to build their self-esteem and confidence.

    Overall, giving children choices is an important part of parenting. It helps them to develop decision-making skills, encourages them to take responsibility for their actions, and makes them feel empowered and respected.

  • #10.     Use Humor: Parents should use humor when dealing with their children. This will help to lighten the mood and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Parents should use humor when dealing with their children. Humor can help to lighten the mood and make difficult conversations easier. It can also encourage children to take risks and try new things. For example, if your child is hesitant to try a new activity, you can use humor to make it more appealing. You can say something like, “It looks like a lot of fun, and I bet you’ll be the best at it!” This will make your child feel more confident and willing to give it a try.

    Humor can also be used to diffuse tense situations. If your child is getting frustrated or angry, you can use humor to help them relax and see the situation in a different light. For example, if your child is having trouble with a math problem, you can say something like, “It looks like you’re having a tough time with this one. Maybe we should take a break and have a snack.” This will help your child to take a step back and look at the problem from a different perspective.

    Using humor when dealing with your children can be a great way to build a strong relationship and encourage them to take risks and try new things. It can also help to diffuse tense situations and make difficult conversations easier. So the next time you’re dealing with your children, don’t forget to add a little humor to the mix!

  • #11.     Use Descriptive Praise: Parents should use descriptive praise when talking to their children. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Parents should use descriptive praise when talking to their children. This type of praise is more meaningful than generic compliments, as it focuses on the specific behavior or action that the child has done. For example, instead of saying “good job”, a parent could say “I really appreciate how you worked hard to finish that project”. This type of praise will help children to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things. It will also help them to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments, and will help them to build self-confidence.

    Descriptive praise can also be used to help children learn from their mistakes. Instead of simply telling them that they did something wrong, parents can use descriptive praise to explain why the behavior was wrong and how it could have been done differently. This will help children to understand the consequences of their actions, and will help them to learn from their mistakes.

    Using descriptive praise is an important part of parenting, as it helps children to feel valued and appreciated, and encourages them to take risks and try new things. It also helps them to learn from their mistakes, and to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments. By using descriptive praise, parents can help their children to become confident and successful individuals.

  • #12.     Use “I” Messages: Parents should use “I” messages when talking to their children. This will help them to feel heard and understood, and will foster a strong relationship between parent and child.

    Using “I” messages is an important tool for parents when communicating with their children. By using “I” messages, parents can express their feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-judgmental. This helps children to feel heard and understood, and encourages them to open up and share their own feelings and needs. It also helps to build a strong relationship between parent and child, as it shows that the parent is taking the time to listen and understand their child. Additionally, using “I” messages can help to reduce conflict, as it allows parents to express their feelings without blaming or accusing their child. This can help to create a more positive and productive dialogue between parent and child.

    When using “I” messages, it is important to be clear and direct. Parents should avoid using vague language or making assumptions about their child’s feelings or intentions. Instead, they should focus on expressing their own feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-judgmental. Additionally, it is important to be mindful of the tone of voice used when communicating with children. Using a calm and understanding tone can help to create a more positive and productive dialogue.

    Overall, using “I” messages is an important tool for parents when communicating with their children. It helps to foster a strong relationship between parent and child, and can help to reduce conflict and create a more positive and productive dialogue.

  • #13.     Use Time-Out: Parents should use time-out when dealing with their children. This will help them to learn from their mistakes and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Time-out is an effective tool for parents to use when disciplining their children. It helps children learn from their mistakes and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions. Time-out is a way for parents to show their children that certain behaviors are not acceptable. It also gives children a chance to calm down and think about their behavior.

    When using time-out, it is important to be consistent and clear about the rules. Parents should explain why the behavior is unacceptable and what the consequences will be if it happens again. It is also important to be firm and consistent in enforcing the time-out. This will help children understand that their behavior has consequences and that they must take responsibility for their actions.

    Time-out can be an effective tool for parents to use when disciplining their children. It helps children learn from their mistakes and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions. It is important to be consistent and clear about the rules and to be firm and consistent in enforcing the time-out. With patience and understanding, parents can use time-out to help their children learn and grow.

  • #14.     Use Distraction: Parents should use distraction when dealing with their children. This will help them to focus on something else and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Distraction can be a powerful tool for parents when dealing with their children. It can help to redirect their attention away from a difficult situation and onto something more positive. By distracting their children, parents can encourage them to take risks and try new things. For example, if a child is having difficulty with a task, parents can suggest a game or activity that will help them to focus on something else. This can help to break the cycle of frustration and can help the child to gain confidence in their abilities. Additionally, distraction can be used to help children to manage their emotions. If a child is feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, parents can suggest a fun activity that will help them to relax and refocus.

    Distraction can be a great way for parents to help their children to manage difficult situations. It can help to break the cycle of frustration and can help children to gain confidence in their abilities. Additionally, it can help children to manage their emotions and can provide a positive outlet for their energy. By using distraction, parents can help their children to stay focused and to take risks and try new things.

  • #15.     Use Modeling: Parents should use modeling when dealing with their children. This will help them to learn from their parents’ example and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Modeling is an important tool for parents to use when dealing with their children. By modeling appropriate behavior, parents can show their children how to act in certain situations and how to take responsibility for their actions. This will help children to learn from their parents’ example and will encourage them to make good decisions. Parents should also be aware of their own behavior and how it affects their children. If parents are not setting a good example, their children may follow their lead and make poor choices.

    When modeling behavior, parents should be aware of their body language and tone of voice. Children are very observant and will pick up on subtle cues from their parents. Parents should also be aware of their own emotions and how they are expressing them. If parents are feeling angry or frustrated, they should take a moment to calm down before engaging with their children. This will help to ensure that the conversation is productive and that the children are learning the right lessons.

    Modeling is an effective way for parents to teach their children how to act responsibly and make good decisions. By setting a good example, parents can help their children to learn from their mistakes and to take responsibility for their actions. This will help to create a positive environment in the home and will encourage children to make positive choices.

  • #16.     Use Rewards: Parents should use rewards when dealing with their children. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated, and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Rewards are an effective way for parents to motivate their children and encourage positive behavior. When children are rewarded for their efforts, they feel valued and appreciated, and this can help to foster a sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. Rewards can also help to encourage children to take risks and try new things, as they will be motivated to do so in order to receive the reward. Rewards can come in many forms, such as verbal praise, a hug, a special treat, or a small gift. It is important to remember that rewards should be used sparingly, as too many rewards can lead to children expecting rewards for every task they complete.

    When using rewards, it is important to be consistent and to make sure that the reward is appropriate for the task. For example, if a child completes their homework, a reward of a small toy or a special treat would be appropriate. However, if a child completes a difficult task, such as helping to clean the house, a larger reward may be more appropriate. It is also important to make sure that the reward is something that the child will actually enjoy, as this will help to ensure that the reward is effective.

    Rewards can be a great way for parents to motivate their children and encourage positive behavior. However, it is important to remember that rewards should be used sparingly and appropriately, and that the reward should be something that the child will actually enjoy. By using rewards in this way, parents can help to foster a sense of self-confidence and self-esteem in their children, and can encourage them to take risks and try new things.

  • #17.     Use Redirection: Parents should use redirection when dealing with their children. This will help them to focus on something else and will encourage them to take risks and try new things.

    Redirection is an important tool for parents to use when dealing with their children. It involves redirecting a childs attention away from a behavior or activity that is not appropriate or desirable, and towards something else that is more constructive. Redirection can help children to focus on something else, and encourages them to take risks and try new things. It also helps to prevent children from becoming too fixated on one activity or behavior, and can help them to develop a more flexible approach to life.

    When using redirection, it is important to be firm but gentle. Parents should explain why the behavior or activity is not appropriate, and then suggest an alternative. It is also important to be consistent and to follow through with the redirection. This will help children to understand that the behavior is not acceptable, and will help them to develop better self-control.

    Redirection can be a powerful tool for parents to use when dealing with their children. It can help to prevent children from becoming too fixated on one activity or behavior, and can help them to develop a more flexible approach to life. By using redirection, parents can help their children to learn to take risks and try new things, and can help them to develop better self-control.

  • #18.     Use Clear Instructions: Parents should use clear instructions when talking to their children. This will help them to understand what is expected of them and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Parents should be clear and concise when giving instructions to their children. They should explain the expectations and the consequences of not following the instructions. This will help children understand what is expected of them and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions. Parents should also be consistent in their expectations and consequences, so that children know what to expect and can learn from their mistakes.

    When giving instructions, parents should be patient and understanding. They should avoid using a harsh tone or raising their voice. Instead, they should use a calm and supportive tone to help their children understand the instructions. Parents should also be encouraging and provide positive reinforcement when their children follow the instructions. This will help children to feel supported and motivated to do the right thing.

    By using clear instructions and providing positive reinforcement, parents can help their children understand expectations and take responsibility for their actions. This will help children to develop good habits and become more independent.

  • #19.     Use Consistency: Parents should use consistency when dealing with their children. This will help them to understand what is expected of them and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Consistency is key when it comes to parenting. When parents are consistent with their expectations and rules, children are more likely to understand what is expected of them and take responsibility for their actions. Consistency also helps to create a sense of security and stability for children, as they know what to expect from their parents. It also helps to build trust between parents and children, as children know that their parents will follow through with what they say.

    When parents are consistent, they should also be fair and reasonable. It is important to be consistent in the way that rules and expectations are enforced, so that children understand that their parents are not being arbitrary or unfair. Parents should also be consistent in the way that they respond to their children’s behavior. If a child misbehaves, the same consequence should be applied each time, so that the child knows what to expect.

    Consistency is an important part of parenting, and it can help to create a positive and secure environment for children. By being consistent with their expectations and rules, parents can help their children to understand what is expected of them and take responsibility for their actions.

  • #20.     Use Positive Discipline: Parents should use positive discipline when dealing with their children. This will help them to learn from their mistakes and will encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

    Positive discipline is an important tool for parents to use when raising their children. It is a way of teaching children how to behave in a way that is respectful and responsible. Positive discipline focuses on teaching children the skills they need to make good decisions and to take responsibility for their actions. It also encourages children to think about the consequences of their actions and to learn from their mistakes. Positive discipline is not about punishing children, but rather about helping them to understand why their behavior is not acceptable and how they can do better in the future.

    Positive discipline involves setting clear expectations and boundaries for children, and then providing them with consistent and fair consequences when they do not meet those expectations. It also involves providing children with positive reinforcement when they do make good choices. This helps children to understand that their behavior has consequences, both positive and negative, and that they are responsible for their own actions. Positive discipline also involves teaching children problem-solving skills and helping them to develop self-control and self-discipline.

    Using positive discipline is an effective way for parents to help their children learn how to make good decisions and take responsibility for their actions. It is also a way for parents to show their children that they care about them and want them to succeed. By using positive discipline, parents can help their children to become responsible, respectful, and successful adults.